The Self-Driven Child

By William Stixrud, Ned Johnson

This is a book for parents, but also perfectly helpful for adults who'd like to understand how our brain serves us to be self-driven. After all, we are our own parents when we are grownups.

Actionable Takeaways:

  • Set electronic devices screentime limit
  • Exercise and meditate everyday
  • Let go and have a plan B mindset

The Book in 3 Sentences

To be self-driven, one needs to

  1. Keep a growth mindset
  2. Create a self-driven environment
  3. Avoid being stressed

The Book Has Taught Me

  • How the brain works when you learn, respond and stress. How to facilitate the development of the prefrontal cortex and hippocampus
  • The methods to avoid stress
  • The healthy and productive ways of working

Get the book from ➡️ Amazon UK

Highlighted Notes

What is "self-driven" growth

The internal drive to perform better. Being autonomous rather than being driven from external pressure.

Why stress is bad

High stress or chronic stress will

  • Inhibit the prefrontal cortex (rational decision-making and self-control)
  • Stimulate the amygdala (defending mode, the animal instinct)
  • Weaken hippocampus (memory and learning)
一旦我们遭遇威胁,我们就没法思维清晰,也不能有逻辑地好好思考。我们只会拼了命地逃跑,扎稳马步准备开打,或者干脆躺下。

Become "Self-Driven"

Growth Mindset

Motivation comes from within and does not depend on the praise and commendation of others.

Self-determination Theory

  • Autonomy ⬅️ Intrinsic motivation, willingness to pursue challenges
  • Competence ⬅️ Achievable goals, being proud for oneself for small progress
  • Sense of belonging ⬅️ Support and love

Dopamine ⬅️ Interest + expectation

Flow ⬅️ Challenging tasks + focus

How to avoid being stressed

  • Avoid passing on or being exposed to "second-hand pressure"
  • Every time you replay a scene in your mind, it will have less of an impact
  • Exercise: aerobic > anaerobic. Dancing, yoga, martial arts, horse riding, fencing, drumming, rock climbing.
  • Social support
  • Music
  • Eat well and sleep well

Repetitative training (break down time and tasks)

Stay away from electronic devices and social media

技术的突破通常让人们更多地去工作而非腾出更多的空闲。只要做起来容易,我们就会做。技术挤占了大脑本该用来培养健康的控制感的时间。你使用的新技术越多,你的自我调节能力和执行功能水平就越糟糕。自我调节能力和执行功能水平,是获得成功的能力。
社交媒体将控制权从你手中夺走,还转交给你周围的人:社交媒体把我们的注意力从我们自己的经历上转移开来,重新定位到其他人对我们经历的种种看法。
(社交媒体)让人们被卷入一种基本的心理效应——间歇性强化。通过间歇性强化,就算不知道每次执行某个操作时是否会获得奖励,你还是可能会不断去做。
  • Remedy: plan on electronic devices usage; get back to nature.
  • Avoid multi-tasking
Multi-tasking:低效,犯错,慢;限制深层思考和抽象思维,限制想象力;提高皮质醇水平=制造压力。
  • Plan B mindset: gives you a better understanding of the problem and a chance to relieve stress

Let go of yourself

  • Encourage yourself as you would your best friend; don't use self-demeaning language to yourself.
  • Switch to a positive rephrasing. The feeling of loss of control often comes from catastrophic interpretations.
  • When in trouble ask yourself: Is it a big problem, or a small one? What is the worst that can happen if Plan A fails? What about a Plan B?